It's Ava, bitch!

I have tried not to speak out about Ms. Britney Spears, but now I must. I heard that Britney’s half-assed, digitized album just hit number 1. People, what are you thinking?

I am not going to make judgments about her children; I don’t know the whole story, so I will refrain from attacking her mom skills. However, as a performer, don’t support the crap that she keeps turning out.

Look, if you want an overly tired mom, whose only life line is Starbucks, with hideous clothes, with even more hideous hair, grunting instead of vocalizing and dancing around in her underwear – I’M YOUR GAL!!!

I can sing, sort of, and I can certainly do the guttural moaning she passes off as singing. Wait till you hear my sexual moans digitized, I can be way hotter than Britney. I can clumsily stomp around stage in high healed boots posing as a dancer. Pay me millions of dollars to lip synch, crash into cars, suck Starbucks and look like a constant fashion accident. I won’t spend the millions on drugs and alcohol. The occasional pomegranate margarita yes, but I solemnly swear to spend my millions garnered from my half-naked flailing around on the hungry, inner city kids, and college funds for my family. I don’t even want a Mercedes. I just want a Volvo station wagon with a GPS tracking system and a back-up camera. Jive Records, take me, I’ll do it!

So if you won’t take me as your new Queen of Pop then please do not support the current crap she is turning out. Do not buy her album! It will get stuck in your head, and you will try banging your head on the wall to try and extract it, but resist, do not support the mediocre Queen of Crap, as I have now deemed her. As evidenced by the MTV VMA’s she didn’t even bother putting together a proper performance. What lame ass can’t even lip synch to her own song? Jive records, you pay her millions for this?

I urge you not to buy Blackout. If the title of her album does not explain her mental state, then I don’t know what does. Let her sink into oblivion. She should take her remaining funds, buy a big piece of property in back waters of Louisiana from which she came and install high fences. She has enough money to build her own Starbucks on that lot. Then she has the space to figure her self out or self-destruct. I am officially tired of seeing her strung out and bloated carcass all over the tabloids. If I wanted to see that, all I have to do is look in the mirror. If you don’t give her money, I am hoping that she will disappear.

Read about all the efforts of her own friends and employees to boycott her here at The Post Chronicle:
http://www.postchronicle.com/news/original/article_212110653.shtml